The Layers

Purity of Mind: Day 7 - Removing the mask

Luke 12:1-3
Watch yourselves carefully so you don't get contaminated with Pharisee yeast, Pharisee phoniness.  You can't keep your true self hidden forever; before long you'll be exposed.  You can't hide behind a religious mask forever; sooner or later the mask will slip and your true face will be known.  You can't whisper one thing in private and preach the opposite in public.

There is a quote from the movie shrek, which I can't remember completely, but it talks about people being like onions and having lots of layers.  Well I think over the last couple of years I have changed heaps as a person and I think that a lot of this has to do with the fact that over the last few years I have been shedding the layers that I wore, or the masks that I wore when I was with others.  The masks that made me feel safe and secure, the ones that made me feel pretty, cool and confident. 

I think that there are a few reasons why they have started coming off...1. as much as I hate to admit it, I am growing up...and hopefully getting wiser.  2.  I have learnt that people actually like me because of who I am, not because of what I can do or what I have and 3.  Its really tiring carrying all that stuff around.  Its hard work holding up the walls and remembering who you are supposed to be when...perhaps I am just getting lazy, or complacent, but in general I am much happier, I actually like who God created me to be...sure I am a little werid and quirky, but thats ok. Although I do have to continue to remember to leave the masks off and not put them on everytime I feel a little insecure or do something new.  I need to take them off and leave them off.  

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Just keep praying...

Purity of Mind: Day 6 - Praying through pain

Psalm 90:10
Seventy years are given to us! Some even eighty.  But even the best years are filled with pain and trouble; soon they disappear, and we fly away.

This is something that I really struggle with...not because I don't pray, but more that I can't just leave it with God.  The thing is I am kind of a control freak, I like to know whats happening and when and exactly how it is going to go, just so that nothing takes me by surprise.  At the moment I am going through some tough stuff, nothing that will kill me, just things that are out of my control, and there certainly is pain and I don't really like it much.  And even though I have prayed about it, and I know that God knows my heart, I still struggle to take comfort in the fact that he has it under control and that I don't need to fear because whatever happens God will still be there.  I don't really know the answer to this, I guess its something that I am still learning, but I guess until then I just keep praying and try to trust...

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Courage

Purity of Mind: Day 5 - A New Season

Isaiah 43:18-19
Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history.  Be alert, be present.  I'm about to do something brand new.  It's bursting out!  Don't you see it? There it is! I'm making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands.

Sometimes I get really caught up on the things I have experienced with God in the past, so much so that is stops me from seeking the next bit.  I guess I have been lucky...maybe blessed is a better word...enough to have been born and raised in a Christian household where the things of God were constantly around me.  I don't think that I have actually known what it is not to have God in my life.  Through this I have seen and experienced some pretty remarkable things, including massive supernatural things like healing, being slain in the spirit, people speaking in tounges and amazing transformations in people lives.  

Anyway, I think that as I have gotten older I have seen less and less of these things well everything except the last one.  As a now adult (although I still find it hard to believe) I experience God in my life in a very different way.  However, I guess because its not as in your face as the ways of the past sometimes I think it is less significant, which isn't the case at all...as school would always say, 'it's not good, it's not bad, it's just different'.  The thing is because I keep expecting that I will experience God like I used to, I block him from doing something new.  But really thats all that I want, an encounter, however, I think that one of the reasons I haven't had this yet is that I am not listening all that well, because I know that my relationship with him is past the one of warm fuzzies to get me by, now the commitments are super long term, and normally cause me to go out of my comfort zone.  I know that I want something new, but I know that I also need the courage to listen and obey... whatever happens.  

So here I am God, asking for something new, a fresh dream, a new drive, but I also need to you fill me with you strength and give me courage...     

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Luke Warm

Purity of Mind: Day 4 - What's on your mind?

James 4:8
Come close to God, and God will come close to you.  Wash your hands, you sinners, purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world.

I find that when God wants to tell me something he doesn't just tell me once.  He tells me in a number of different ways, just to make sure I really get it.  Its been a while since I have blogged and there are a number of reasons for this, well maybe not reasons, maybe excuses.  Christmas is just around the corner and as a result my life has become a little nuts.  However over the weekend, I was thinking about how much I love Davo (sad I know), but while I was thinking about it, I felt like God was asking me if I love him as much as I love Dave.  My first thought was yes of course I do and more, but then I felt God gently ask, 'well how come you make such an effort to hangout with him, but not with me?'

Now just to clear something up before I go on, I really struggle with the 'Jesus is my boyfriend' type relationship that some people experience with God.  This isn't what it is like for me, but having said that I was really challenged by this question.  Because the thing is I am often super desperate to hang out with Dave and just enjoy his company, especially if I have been in Castlemaine all week, but I don't think that I have that same longing to hang out with God.  I really wish that I did and this little question really challenged me about where my priorities were at.  So hence, I am back on the blog trying again...

Here is the cool bit though, today's devotion... all about spending time with God and how it so important to hang out with him so that we grow from the inside out.  You know, just in case I didn't get the first time.  Anyway, in the devotion it takes the challenge even further and suggests that if you aren't spending time with God daily then perhaps your relationship with him is simply luke warm, in which case you are going to be spit out of his mouth (revelation 3:16).  I know that my relationship with him is not luke warm, but I guess it is definitley at risk of heading that way if I don't pull me finger out and start seeking him.  I think as I have gotten older, and busier it has become so much easier to take for granted the journey I have had so far with God, and sometimes I get so comfortable that I forget to keep going.  I don't want to be luke warm, I want to be hot, on fire....the way I am supposed to be. 

So here is attempt two...

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The Voices

Purity of Mind: Day 3 - Faithful Followers

Colossians 3:1-2

So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that's where the action is. See things from his perspective.

I think that one of the reasons I am a little bit random is because I am a follower, which can be a good or a bad thing.  Depending on what is cool at the time, or what is fashionable, or popular thats were I will normally be drawn.  And although I tend to hang on to things, all of my interests are really because someone else has put them in front of me.   

I think that even though I am only like 3 days into this devotions thing, one of the things that I am really learning is that I need to work out who I am really listening to and why?  If I am actually going to be the person I was created to be and have this immeasurably more, I really need to stop settling for what is comfortable and easy, which is really just second best.

God, help me to step out and listen carefully... 

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A Working Progress

Purity of Mind: Day 2 - Who Determines Your Worth?

Matthew 10:29-30 (The Message)
"What's the price of a pet canary? Some loose change, right? And God cares what happens to it even more than you do. He pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail—even numbering the hairs on your head! So don't be intimidated by all this bully talk. You're worth more than a million canaries.

My self confidence is something that I have always struggled with, the way I look, the things I am into, the people I hang out with...everything, and I think one of the things that I have realised as I have started to grow up is how much I control the impact these feelings have on my everyday life. Sure I can compare myself to everyone, but I am always going to find someone better, or cooler or smarter or whatever. But even though I know its a stupid waste of time I continue to do it.

So many times I have found my self crying, wondering why I can't just be happy and almost every time the person I have been crying on has told me that I need to get my sense of worth from God. Like purity though this is something that I have really struggled with, not because I don't know that God loves me and that I am precious child of his, but more because I can't understand why he would want me to be. I know it sounds kinda morbid and depressive, but its true...God's grace and love is something that I find incredibly hard to fathom. I know that I am getting better at living in God's truth about who he has created in me, but its something that I think I will see be working on for a really really long time.

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Purity is a Dirty Word

Purity of Mind: Day 1 - In Tune with God's Purpose

Psalm 36: 5-6 (The Message)
God's love is meteoric, his loyalty astronomic,
His purpose titanic, his verdicts oceanic.  
Yet in his largeness nothing gets lots;
Not a man, not a mouse slips through the cracks.

Purity is an interesting thing, its something that I have always thought of in terms of 'actions' and I am sure I am not the only one.  When I think of being pure, the first thing that comes to mind is a little thing called sex and how you don't do it till you say i do.  But even before I started reading this book I have been learning more and more about purity and what it actually is.  

Purity is fully tied in with Holiness, another term that scares me a little, because even though I know it is a good thing it means fully letting go of me and my flesh and letting God do what he wants.  Sometimes I think I am super short sighted coz I would rather be comfy and only stretched as far as I want, then to give in and 'live life to the full'.  Anyway in the book it offers a definition of purity in terms of music...it suggest that purity is 'free from harshness or roughness and being in tune'...that is in tune with God's purpose for my life.  

Recently I have finished uni and started full time work in the area of my training, and while I like my job, despite the fact that it has caused some pretty big changes in my life.  The thing is though I am not super passionate about it, I like dietetics and I find it interesting, but it doesn't make me tick like I think that it should.  A couple of Sunday's ago I was challenged by another good friend to stop looking at my plans for my life and start looking at God's plans for my life and this really hit home.  I am the kind of person that likes to be in control, holding the reigns and I am also a planner.  I have a big long list of things that I want to happen in my life and while these things are all good, I have started to wonder if they are great.  Are they the 'immeasurably more' that I want?  The answer is probably not, sure maybe some of them are in God's plan too, but if I am picking and choosing, its not going to be the best it can be.  

The thing is though, I know all this information, but I need to act on it and thats where it gets hard.  I know that this is were faith and trust come in, but for a control freak like me how do I just let go?  I know that over my whole life and especially in the last couple of years God has been maturing me, but I don't feel ready.  Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel ready, or if this is something that I just have to do?  And if I just have to do it...where do I start?  Perhaps as I commit to this devotions thing, I will get the courage...and perhaps a push? Who knows...   

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A Fresh Start

So I am not really sure what these blogs will look like...if they will be any good, or even how long they will last.  But what I do know is that I need to do something, so here it is my fresh start. 

I figure for now I will just share some of my thoughts...thankfully, one of my amazing friends at Box Hill gave me a gift of a new devotional book on Sunday, so I think that I will start with that and perhaps work through it out loud...

Hopefully, you will also find this helpful, but even if you don't thats ok...its not really here for you anyway, its here for me...coz if i can write about useless stuff...I can write about God...so here we go...lets jump into it my new book and perhaps the first of many is 'Pure' by Rebecca St.James...

coz I want immeasurably more... 

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