What is my motive?

Purity of Mind: Day 9 - Don't Bargain with God

Matthew 7:7-11

Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn't a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing. You're at least decent to your own children. So don't you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?

Here's the thing, after all that talk of another fresh start I still didn't last that long, just a couple of days and then I let my busy life take over once again.... But even so I have come back and just as if it were planned this way the topic of today's chapter is completly perfect for what I need right now. Today's chapter is all about how we bargain with God coz sometimes we don't trust him enough to just leave it all with me. And my initial thoughts after reading the chapter were "well I don't really do that, so I'm pretty good" but then as I reflected a bit more God gently reminded me that I was bargaining with him right now...

See at the moment there are a few crap things happening in my life, all of which I don't really have any control. So trying to be a good Christian I pray about and then because that doesn't feel like enough I deceide that if I fast something I really love that will get God's attention and I will get what I want. And so that's were I am, fasting until God makes it turn out the way I want... and while there is sacrifice in that, there isn't much faith.


Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with fasting until you see answered pray, I guess the problem lies in whether the fast is for an answer or for the answer you want. I think perhaps I need to think a bit more about why I am fasting, what I want to see and whether or not I am looking for God's answer, or my answer.